got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
