Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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