Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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