I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
