I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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