his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
