We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
