before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Couch. On fire.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
