I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
