Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
