i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Drunk walkin through police station. America
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
