i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
