You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
