We're facebook friends in real life
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
