I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
