Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
