And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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