You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
