just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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