It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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