wakey wakey hands off snakey
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
