He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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