Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The beers last night were like the tears from god
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
