My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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