Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
