Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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