$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
