Well apparently he's into motor boating.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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