My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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