Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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