Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
