Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
