Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
