I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
