I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
