dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
