He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
