hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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