there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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