dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
