I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
