I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
