Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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