After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
