when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
