there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
