Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
