Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Come share oat with me in your robe
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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