i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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