I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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