College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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